• René

Do you speak “Belgian Railways”? I’ll translate into common English some of their favorite expressio

1) Today your train has a delay of 15 minutes.

Translation: if you’re lucky it’ll show up in about 30 to 45 minutes and on a different platform as announced.

2) Today your train has 5 carriages instead of 15.

Translation: watch how we squeeze passengers from 15 carriages into 5.

3) Today your train has been cancelled - take the next one.

Translation: even funnier - watch how we squeeze passengers from two trains into one.

4) Today your train has been changed from platform 1 to platform 6.

Translation: we care about your health so let’s do some jogging - the new platform is 50 m and 4 stairs away and you and 200 other passengers have 1 minute to get there - of course we’ve switched off all the escalators and elevators.

5) Today your train will not stop at the next 4 stations.

Translation : better call your wife to pick you up by car about halfway to your final destination.

6) Today your train has been delayed/cancelled due to technical problems.

Translation: your train driver took the train to come to his job and his train is delayed/cancelled and/or the 45 year old locomotive just died and gone to train heaven - and/or there’s two cm of snow and/or an Albanian gang just nicked two miles of copper wire.

7) Today there are no trains at all because of a strike.

Translation: just because they can the socialist train workers unions decided that it’s time yet again to fuck with everyone who has a job to get to - so from now on why don’t you just take your car mate? With a bit of luck in a year or two the Belgian Railways will be bankrupt and we’ll just blame the European Union won’t we socialist unions?

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